


Say When

by auselysium



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M, Song fic, crappy description is crappy, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 06:12:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5817202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/auselysium/pseuds/auselysium
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron finds out Robert used the "boyfriend" word in reference to them.  Talking ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say When

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from The Fray song, Say When.
> 
> I'm breaking down and you're breathing slowly  
> Say the word and I will be your man, your man  
> Say when  
> And my own two hands will comfort you  
> Tonight, tonight

“Stop fussing.”

“I’m not fussing, I’m helping.” Robert gestures innocently to where he has emptied the contents of Aaron’s overnight bag and begun refolding its contents.

Aaron hasn’t collected many belongings over the past few days in hospital, but enough that helping him get his things packed up was as good an excuse as any for Robert to be here today when he was released.

Aaron’s infection is gone, his fever broken, but the other much harder journey of processing the incomprehensible ghosts from his past is just beginning. And Robert is exactly where he’d promised Aaron he’d be: by his side.

Amidst Aaron’s steady regimen of grousing and grumbling at Robert’s steady presence, he has seen glimpses of hope. Fleeting moments where Aaron forgets all that has just come to light and smiles at something stupid of the telly or something daft Robert has said.

With the sky seemingly falling around them, Robert’s needed to see those flashes of normalcy as much as Aaron has needed to feel them.

So when Aaron simply gives Robert an affectionate eye roll, if there is such a thing, and tosses him another shirt, Robert can’t help but grin softly to himself.

The nurse comes in with more forms for Aaron to sign. She begins going over a list of instructions: pain medication, a longer course of antibiotics, changing the dressing on his arm, follow up appointments, emergency hotlines he can call 24-hours a day, just incase.

Aaron nods, making noises of understanding and agreement as she goes down the list. Robert doesn’t let on just how intently he listens too.

“You lads have a good night, alright? You take care of each other,” she says with a sweet smile.

“What what that about?” Aaron asks after she has left.

“What was what about?”

“‘Take care of each other,’” He says, making air quotes and pulling an annoyed face.

“She’s just being nice,” Robert says as he smoothes the crease of Aaron’s shirt across his chest. “And she thinks we’re a couple.”

“What?” Aaron snaps. “Why does she think that?”

“Cause I told her you were my boyfriend,” Robert says calmly.

“You?” Aaron retorts with a scoff. “You said that? Outloud? To another person?“

“Well, don’t be so shocked.” Robert turns to look at Aaron, resting his hips against the edge of the bed. “It wasn’t nearly as hard to say as I thought it would be. It felt...good, actually.”

He takes a deep breath and his cheeks flush as he remembers the moment. His eyes fall bashfully to examine the pattern of the floor.

“But you know we’re not…”

“No, no of course we’re not!” Robert says quickly as Aaron’s words snap him out of his thoughts. He turns back to his packing, shoving the final shirt into the bag a bit too roughly. “It was just a way to get in to see you. How else to do think they were going to let me in?”

“Oh,” Aaron says quietly “Right.”

After a moment, where Robert kicks himself for saying anything about the “boyfriend” comment at all, Aaron comes to sit on the edge of the bed. He toys with the zipper on his bag. “Would you still want that? To be my boyfriend... Even knowing…”

It’s his turn to be shy now, only meeting Robert’s eyes for a moment.

“Course I would,” Robert says intently, even as he can’t quite believe what Aaron is asking. “What you told me, it changes nothing, Aaron. Not about how I feel, at least.”

Aaron nods, his teeth nipping the insides of his lips. He shakes his head, pressing his fingers too hard into his eyes. Robert watches, able to read these little tells as they fall in turn across Aaron’s features. More turmoil and chaos as he tried to take it all in.

“This was all so much easier when you were pointing a gun at my face and doing everything possible to stay with your wife,” he says from behind his hand.

“What? Why would….why would you say that?” Robert stutters, his face pinched with pain.

“Cause that made it so much easier to hate you then, didn’t it?” He sneers. “I had every right to, you know. And I almost had myself convinced. But now - “ He gestures at the room, any ire that had built up in his voice melting away. “But now, here you are. Staying with me. Listening. Being…”

  
“Being what?” Robert begs, gently.

“Amazing?” Aaron shrugs at the superlative word. “Supportive? Protective? Kind? Making me feel like maybe...I really don’t have to do this on my own?” His breath shudders.

“You don’t,” Robert says, taking a firm grasp on Aaron’s shoulder. It’s the first time Aaron’s not winced away from his touch since he tried to comfort him on Debbie’s couch. So Robert takes his chances and steps in even closer, his thumb brushing the curve where neck meets shoulder. “Besides, I’m only doing what you’re supposed to do for people you love.”

Aaron looks up.

“You really do mean it, don’t you.”

It’s not a question.

“I’ve meant it every time.”

With a pained breath Aaron pushes himself off the bed, defiant strides taking him to the opposite side of the room.

“God, Robert,” He turns his head skyward, his fingers pushing roughly over his face, grabbing onto the hair at the crown of his scalp. His hands slap down to his sides as he turns back. “I’m just so done with all that shit. Everything between you and me. What we did to each other, to ourselves.” Even from across the room, Robert can see the tears welling at the bottom of his lods, making the blue of his irises all the brighter.

“I clearly have bigger issues to deal with now and…” Those sorrowful eyes turn to Robert, the sorrow melting to something much more tender, much more hopeful.

“I don’t want to keep hating myself for loving you anymore, Robert.”

Robert takes a step close and then Aaron steps in even closer. Close enough so Robert can feel the dry but warm press of Aaron’s palms against his, as Aaron’s fingers curl instinctively around his own.

“I’m not saying now,” Aaron says, almost sounding apologetic, a fact that Robert hates.

“I wouldn’t ask now,” he says. He squeezes the hands entwined with his own two hands and Robert wonders if they have ever actually held hands before. Something as innocent as this always seemed just out of reach for them. But perhaps a little innocence is exactly what they both need.

“Just say when.”

**Author's Note:**

> Additional inspiration taken from The Fray song, Hold my Hand
> 
> This is the burden that I carry  
> And it goes back a hundred years  
> And all the shit I did, I'm done with it  
> You've got every right to leave  
> But stay with me


End file.
